Rapid Fire Friday – ‘Super-hero / Comic Book Movie Edition’

To celebrate the release of Superman Returns, I figure I would go through some of the comic movies from the last few decades and give my usual quick thought on the casting of each. And no, haven’t seen Supes yet… probably go in the next few days.

Batman – Michael Keaton was a good Bruce Wayne but a horrible Batman. Val Kilmer a good Batman but a horrible Bruce Wayne. George Clooney should have been the perfect Batman but ended up in the worst movie.

Hellboy – Pearlman nailed the big red monkey in a way that I think no one else could have.

Sin City – The only tough part to cast here was Marv and Mikey Rourke did a great job. On the other hand, casting Jessica Alba as Nancy was a bad move since she wouldn’t do the nudity that the book called for. A lesser known actress who would be willing to do the nudity would have been a better call.

The Crow – Brandon Lee was amazing in the role of the Crow but I think that is part of the problem with the other movies is none of the others could match what Lee did.

The Mask – I can’t think of anyone else who could have pulled this off besides Jim Carrey (and I’m pretending Son of the Mask was never made).

Daredevil – Okay, I’m alone on this… but I like this movie (the director’s cut version) and like Ben Affleck as Daredevil. But so many people just hate Affleck that it could have been an amazing movie and still people would hate it.

Elektra – Jennifer Garner was all right but the movie was bad… I mean awful. I give comic movies a lot of slack and this is the first one I wanted to walk out of.

Spawn – Did anyone care who played Spawn? The good casting in this was John Leguizamo as the Clown. The odd casting was D B Sweeny in a role of an African-American character Terry Fitzgerald.

Blade – Wesley Snipes was an obvious choice for Blade and did a great job in the first two movies. I think in Trinity though Ryan Reynolds as Hannibal King basically stole the movie from him.

Fantastic Four – Is more like the Fantastic Two. Michael Chiklis and Chris Evans were perfect as The Thing and The Human Torch. Ioan Gruffudd was all right as Mr. Fantastic but really didn’t have the role to stretch himself in. Jessica Alba should have been invisible in this movie and Julian McMahon as the villain just doomed the movie. Okay, too many bad puns. The movie wasn’t horrible but it could have been a lot better.

The Hulk – Not a tough role to cast since the hero side would be all CGI. I think Erik Bana was fine as Bruce Banner but I don’t think Ang Lee knew he was making a Super-hero movie.

Spider-Man – Definitely the strongest franchise currently running. The casting so far has been perfect from Tobey Maguire to J K Simmons. I wasn’t that thrilled with Kirsten Dunst until the upside-down kiss in the rain scene… then I was fine with her.

X-Men – The first two movies were well cast. Hugh Jackman is Wolverine now. But by the third movie they were throwing so many characters in that it really didn’t matter who was who because you would never get a chance to know any of them.

The Shadow, The Phantom and The Rocketeer – I put these three together because to me they are very similar. I really like the casts and the movies but none of them get the respect they deserve. There are some days I’ll sit down and watch all three in a row.

Superman – Christopher Reeves is being hailed as the perfect Superman and I have to wonder how much his accident put the Richard Donner films into a better light. I honestly don’t remember the Superman movies being thought of that highly until recently and the new movie just seems to be a sequel. For me, I’m hooked on Smallville and Tom Welling is Clark Kent.

The Punisher – I’m biased here. Before the new version of the Punisher came out I got to meet Tom Jane and really like the guy. So when I watched the movie I already liked it. But I think everyone can agree that Jane is 100 times better than Dolph Lundgren.

Judge Dredd – Stallone was born to be Judge Dredd… end of story. The movie was bad but Stallone was the obvious choice at the time.

Swamp Thing – Who the Swamp Thing was didn’t matter… but Adrienne Barbeau bathing in the swamp was a brilliant casting move in my dreams for weeks later.

Tank Girl – How many people remember this movie? Another cult classic type. Lori Petty was great in this… plus you get Ice-T as a kangaroo.

Barb Wire – I watch this movie all the time… well, the open scene at least.

Supergirl – I know this movie was made and I remember seeing it… but that’s about it. Helen Slater was probably fine in the role… I’ve just never been a fan of the character so I’ve never tracked down the movie to see it again.

Steel – I’m fairly certain it was trying to find Shaq a film vehicle and not a cry from fans to see John Henry on the silver screen that got this movie made.

Catwoman – What the fuck?

52 and Brave New World

The other day I asked for topics to write on and Jeremy requested I give my thoughts on Booster Gold in 52. Well, I think I can do that plus. So I decided to give my thoughts on the series now that we are 8 weeks into it as well as what my opinion is of the Brave New World book that came out today. There might be some spoilers if you haven’t read up through issue 8 of 52 or Brand New World so be warned.

I was very excited at the start of 52 and it still is on the top of my read pile most weeks, but I have to say that so far it seems like very little has happened. John Henry/Steel seems to be going through a mid-life crisis while Lex infected him with the metagene, Ralph is on some mystery quest, Rene Montoya is on a mystery quest, and Booster Gold is just being an ass. It would be impossible to guess at everything that’s going on because unlike in most mystery movies, we are actually looking at what could be multiple mysteries… the resurrection cult, the wound in time, the aliens on Kane Street and the metagene... oh and lets not forget the Super Nova guy that just popped up. Now it is possible that all of these things are related but that would be a HUGE mystery and I just don’t see them pulling it off. What we have here isn’t really a mystery because they’re not giving us the clues to solve anything. We just have a story that’s unfolding.

Now, on to Booster Gold; this is all speculation but my guess would be that he is some kind of time paradox. He went home at the end of the Crisis Prelude and then showed up acting like he just got here to show Batman how to stop Brother Eye. It is possible that the Booster Gold we see now is not the same Booster we’ve seen in the past. He is a time traveler so there could be two of him out there and we just don’t know it. I think he is here twice and has caused a wound in time that will eventually destroy the planet. The scientists who are disappearing are probably the only ones who can fix it… so that means that someone else knows what’s happening and wants it to happen. Since Dr. Morrow and Magnus are the only ones not taken would make me think that it’s Morrow. But again I’m just guessing. But Booster should come out of this as a ‘true hero’.

I’m enjoying the Question/Montoya story but would like to see more of the Question. I tend to speed past the Steel/Luthor and the Black Adam bits. I’m following the Ralph Dinby parts but really would like to see him do something more than just walk around and talk to people. Let’s see what the next four weeks will bring.

And my short review of Brave New World: best story is hands down The Creeper by Niles and Justiano. The art is great, the story is great, and the concept is great. Looking forward to more of this. Second would be the Martian Manhunter: interesting concept with good art. I will probably pick this up. Third, Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters: I liked the art in the beginning but now I just find it annoying. I like the Freedom Fighters but this will be a tough one to pick up. Fourth is the Atom: a character I really like but I have no idea what they are trying to do here and Byrne just doesn’t do it for me anymore. Fifth would be the OMAC thing… that’s how I felt about it… a thing. And sixth, being the worst one in the book, The Trial of Shazam containing art that I truly dislike and horrible writing about characters I have zero interest in. And I have no idea what they were doing on the last couple pages of the book with all the Monitors. So it looks like The Creeper and Martian Manhunter will be it for me.

But if DC can get the average reader to pick up two of these titles each, then I think it would be considered a success. The trick will be which two or will it be so diverse that none of them really do well?

Old friends on old TV

I love old TV shows. Not talking about the 50s and 60s shows… I’m talking about the 80s. There is a new channel on DirecTV called “Sleuth” and it mainly shows old 80s mysteries like ‘Simon & Simon’, ‘A-Team’, ‘Miami Vice’ and ‘The Equalizer’. Today alone I got to see Edward Woodward kill Kevin Spacey with a forklift and Don Johnson gun down Ted Nugent. They’re also showing some movies like the one just starting ‘Renegades’.

The best thing about a station like this is there is next to no overhead for them. They are making money off of shows and movies that are already made. I can’t believe that the airing rights for Simon & Simon can be that high. Spike TV is going to spend a good chunk of change to produce the Blade TV series yet here is a channel selling its ad time for spaces during The Equalizer. Plus you know when you turn on the channel you’re going to get exactly what you expect. I turn on Spike and I might get Wrestling, Star Trek or the Texas Chainsaw Massacre… not really a theme there.

Plus with these old shows you get to see people before they made it big. I’ve been watching Ted Nugent on Supergroup and now I see him about 25 years younger with his shirt open to his navel and… okay, never mind, I could have lived a long time without seeing that. But besides Ted, Phil Collins and Glenn Fry were on the show and a very young Bruce Willis…

Okay, I’ll admit it… someone challenged me to write something good about television and I came up blank. I keep seeing all the “new shows” coming and all I can think of is some network execs need to keep better track of their embarrassing photos because I can see no other way shows like ‘America’s Got Talent’ make it to the air. The bar keeps getting set lower and lower and now the only thing you need to get on the air is a half-naked chick and violence.

I think the key to making TV better is to hunt down these elusive “Neilson Families” and see what they are REALLY watching. You know they have PLAYBOY TV on 24/7 but writes down ‘7th Heaven’ and ‘The Gilmore Girls’. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to tell what people are really watching? Things like that would probably keep shows like ‘Sports Night’ on the air and eliminate ‘Commander in Chief’ from ever getting there.

But I don’t see that happening any time soon… so America, get ready for another season of bad television… or do something unique and read a book, or maybe a graphic novel.

Rapid Fire Friday

I’m angry with Rick Remender… trade paperbacks should not have cliffhangers but the Fear Agent trade does. I like the book but I’m not happy about the cliffhanger.

The US lost at soccer/football… now we can get all that silly World Cup thing out of the way and move on to important sports… like Lacrosse.

I bought three DVDs the other day… the Justice League season 2, Superman season 3 and the Superman vs Brainiac movie… all of them came with free movie tickets for Superman. Just how worried are they about the movie?

The water accident in the garage this week had one odd side effect. I found my signed copy of Shadowhawk #1 that I was looking for in one of the wet boxes. The book is fine… but if I had gone out to search for it, I would have started in box one at the top and gone through over 35 just to find it.

Why doesn’t anyone recognize that the real start to the ‘good comic movie trend’ was actually the Crow?

I got the new Lordi CD yesterday… amazing how well they play in English since it isn’t their native tongue.

I just realized my mother NEVER told me not to run with scissors… what does that mean?

And my dad let me get a bow and arrow set with no warning about putting my eye out.

Had a discussion with my family last night about Playboy and how in the really old issues you felt like you needed a machete…

I haven’t had a chance to watch much news this week… so I wonder just how much of the food I’m eating is going to kill me and what item in my house could kill me… actually, it seems every night there is something new that could kill me but I’d only know by tuning in at eleven. This is a case of ignorance is bliss.

While watching the Sean Connery tribute the other night I discovered that he was asked to play for Manchester United before he went into acting… that’s pretty impressive in my book.

Miami beat Dallas in the NBA championship, which just continues to prove you can’t buy a championship.

Went to a book store that was having a 75% off sale and a buy 3 get 1 free deal… I ended up with 12 books for $14 when one of them was marked $19.99 to begin with… great deal eh? Except I don’t think I would have bought ANY of these books without the sale.

Nicole Kidman is about to get re-married… damn, I missed out AGAIN!

Annoyance factor #1… when someone calls up, doesn’t identify themselves but rather says “Is this Big Bruising Bob, terror of the Bronx” or something silly like that. Now not only do you have to figure out who the other person is… but you have to figure something clever to say as a come back. It’s not fair, they thought up the line before they called but you have to reply instantly.

I’ve been listening to the new Panic at the Disco CD which I find amazing… not because of the music but because of the choices these guys make. Not only in their name but the fact they have a song with the chorus: “I chime in with haven’t you people ever heard of closing a God damn door, no.” Exactly what was going on when that song was written? I’m thinking it was around the time the electric bill showed up.

A quick joke…

No time to write tonight, finishing up a project… but I thought I would share a joke to at least make you smile if you came by.

An old man goes into see his doctor.

DOCTOR: What seems to be the problem Mr. Smith?

SMITH: Well Doc, lately I’ve had horrible gas… I can’t control it and it smells something awful… and they’re silent. … oops, I just let one off right then. I try to stop it but I can’t, and the smell… oh god, there was another one… anyway, when it happens, since they’re silent I can slip out of the room before anyone notices… but its getting worse… oh, that was two in a row… I’m sorry Doc. Is there anything you can do for me?

DOCTOR: Well Mr. Smith, I have some good news and bad news.

SMITH: What’s the good news?

DOCTOR: The gas can easily be relieved by changing your diet, increasing your roughage intake and maybe cutting out carbonated sodas.

SMITH: That’s great Doc… what’s the bad news?

DOCTOR: You’re appear to be going deaf.

When it rains, it pours…

I sit at my keyboard; sweat pouring off my brow and type out the events of the last 45 minutes… I do this both for your entertainment and for my sanity because knowing others understand my pain will be a great comfort.

As with many comic creators, I have amassed a large collection of said comics. Some 40 long boxes I believe. Now I have not purchased all of these on my own. At least 6 of them came from a friend who was on the verge of throwing away his collection and I had to intervene. Friends don’t let friends throw away comics. Another half dozen or more came from my wife’s attempt at becoming a comic retailer in a swap meet type location… so in truth, I’m not 100% sure of what is in all the boxes nor the care in which they were stored.

Now I’m a fan of Sean Connery… stay with me, this all connects… and had sat down to watch the AFI Lifetime Achievement Award to the Scotsman as my wife made a pilgrimage to a local convenience store for a Kit Kat. As I watched George Lucas in wittier words than anything in his last three movies; my wife burst through the door with the two words I hate to hear: “Oh Shit!” My wife is at time prone to hyperbole and an ‘Oh shit’ is as likely for a cat ate the paper to the house is on fire. So I sat in my chair watching the show as she raced past me and out into the garage. It wasn’t until the “Dan, you better come out here”, that I head out to see the cause of her grief.

As I entered the garage I was amazed at how it resembled a slip-and-slide from my youth. Soapy water was pouring out from behind the washing machine, arching past our second refrigerator and flowing freely between my air-hockey table and my stacks of long boxes. We shut off the washer and found the drainpipe was not living up to its name. So I made a call to the emergency plumber that we have used in the past and they quickly dispatched a ‘technician’ who is scheduled to arrive here sometime TOMORROW.

So we began sweeping the water out of the garage and then decided to assess the damage. The bottom row of long boxes… the same long boxes that the termite inspector just last week suggested I get off the floor… were drenched to about 3 inches up. I had to spring into action. Find a location in my full garage big enough for all of the boxes. Not an easy task but one I was able to accomplish. The I began moving the boxes to the dry side of the garage… after about three boxes my mind did the math: Fat man + 40 boxes + Hot stuff garage = Death.

So a quick call to my brother who raced over with his two boys and we got all the comic boxes moved and reached the bottom row to assess the damage. As I moved the boxes I had convinced myself that the bottom boxes would obviously be where I kept all my good comics. All my original Sin City, my autographed books, my favorite-never-to-be-replaced books. So once we got to the bottom, the air-hockey table became the triage center and books were unpacked. Amazingly the inside of the boxes were dry; all of them. We have moved quick enough to keep the water from soaking through to the comics themselves… even the boxes are probably salvageable if left to dry for a few days.

So I set here relieved that my collection is safe, worried about the cost of said plumber tomorrow and smelling rather ripe from the sweating… but then again, my drain is clog so I won’t be getting into the shower till after said plumber shows up tomorrow. I think I’ll stand REALLY close while he’s working so he understands my displeasure at the wait.

Gone too far…

So last night I was up working late on a script… like you do… and I came across something that I couldn’t believe was on the air. FUSED TV, the last channel to actually play videos, has a new show on called PANTS-OFF, DANCE-OFF. In this show regular people dance in front of a music video… never a song I have EVER heard of… and take their close off. Yeah, that’s not a typo. Average people dance and strip on TV. And I can’t emphasize the word average enough.

I watched a woman dance to some bizarre song that she obviously couldn’t hear because her movements had nothing to do with the beat. She had short cut brown hair, a cute face and probably carrying a few extra pounds but nothing too bad. She then started removing her clothes as she danced and she dressed like she was playing strip poker. She was wearing layer on top of layer on top of layer. While she danced, they would then pop another image of her on the screen being interviewed and talking about the last time she was dancing naked or how she came up with her moves. I’m assuming there was an epileptic seizure involved.

So I’m watching this train-wreck… and I mean no disrespect to the young lady but a full-length mirror in her room when she’s dancing might help. And I’ve now vested my two minutes and she’s down to her granny panties and lunch-lady bra and suddenly it stops… just stops. And a little screen comes up and says ‘see what we can’t show you at FUSED.TV/PANTS’ or something like that. So they have a show about people stripping to videos… but they can’t show nudity. Excuse me? What’s the freaking point? That’s like paying a hooker to have dinner with you.

So now I’m feeling a little cheated and decide its time to go out to their website. The truth is, this isn’t a woman that I would normally care to see naked… I’ve actually become a little desensitized to nude with the photography I do… but damn it, I was promised stripping and I was going to get stripping. So I head out to their website and find that I was watching a re-run… so now I have to dig through to find the particular woman… and oh my God you have got to see some of the people from other shows. I’m seeing guys in their 60s, women in weight ranges of heavy weight boxers and a few people that literally scared me. There was one woman dancing with a horse’s head on… I can’t make that up.

I dig through and I find the young lady with the convulsive dance style and watch her video; but I have to watch it from the beginning… again. So now I’m watching her go through her on-screen seizure (my apologies to people who actually have seizures, I’m not trying to make light of them… but I have no other way to explain her motions) and she’s getting out of her 27 different pieces of clothing and she’s back down to her granny panties and lunch-lady bra and I’m now totally focused. She removes her bra and suddenly the area around her chest goes blurry. Then her panties come of and the lower half gets blurry. So they blur the nudity… so now you’ve taken the hooker to dinner AND a movie and still didn’t get laid.

This is the most insane thing I have ever seen on television… and I’m watching Supergroup while I type this so you know the bar for insanity is pretty high. How does this stuff get on TV… how? Sweet mother of God… HOW?

No sports tonight… partly because the only sport I’m watching is the World Cup and since I can’t figure out what a yellow card does then I shouldn’t speak about it. But I enjoyed the Australia v Brazil match the other day.

No, tonight I want to talk about a TV ad I just saw. I’ve been seeing it for the last few days but having just seen it again I decided it was definitely time to speak up about it.

The commercial is for Bailey’s Irish Cream and we have this obviously clumsy fellow who has an impossible time taking an ice cube from a bucket with a pair of tongs and placing it into a glass. He has three or four attempts at it while his ‘friends’ heckle/encourage him. This clever individual then decides to bypass the glass all together and pour the entire contents of the Bailey’s bottle into the ice bucket and grab a straw. He then goes and sits down as all around are amazed at his cleverness/audacity. One of his friends asks for a sip and is promptly ignored when the man looks up with a ‘what?’ look on his face.

Now, this is a bad enough commercial at this point… but the next moment is the classic thing… a voice over comes on and says: “The Makers of Bailey’s ask you to please drink responsibly.” We’ve just seen a man pour an entire bottle of alcohol into a steel bucket and begin drinking it with a straw… but they want US to drink responsibly. How about the fact that this guy is already 3 sheets to the wind, proven by the fact he couldn’t put a cube of ice into a glass on three or four attempts.

I’m not sure exactly who they are marketing this to. All the actors/actresses in this commercial are Afro-American. Everyone is sitting in the patio area of a very nice house and everyone is dressed nice and preppy. So maybe the target audience for this is the people who drink WAY too much.

Then again, Kaluha’s commercial is about people living with exotic animals… like a giraffe helping a telephone repair man, a woman walking an alligator or a man grilling on a barbecue as a white lion sits in the tree above him. There slogan “For the everyday exotic”… which is kind of an oxymoron.

Is this really the best ways to sell you product? How about honesty? “Drink this and it will fuck you up!” That’s an ad slogan I would be ALL over. Or, “This stuff is tasty and will make even your ugliest friend good enough for the night.” But showing us an idiot who can’t work an ice tong or a woman swimming in a pool full of coi… that’s not going to get people to buy your liqueur. But then again, beer companies have thought women in bikinis would sell beer for years… but I enjoy the bikini commercials a lot more.

Rapid Fire Friday

Lately I’ve been seeing ads for the 6th season of Macgyver on DVD and every time there is that moment of “I should get that” and then realizing I would never actually watch it.

Having loved the Paul Dini/Bruce Timm incarnations of Batman, Superman and the Justice League… I’m a little disappointed that the next series is Legion of Super-heroes… I would really have loved to see their take on a Hal Jordan Green Lantern series with Oa and the Corp.

Am I the only one who thought the lead singer of Judas Priest was gay WAY before he ever came out? Turbo lover… uh huh.

I was totally getting into the new Dr. Who series on TV and then I heard that the man playing the Doctor is only staying for one season… it was his personality that got me to watch it.

Got a copy of Tommyrot, the new art book from Ben Templesmith… great book and great art. It should hit store soon so grab it.

Maybe I’m a “physician snob” but every doctor I have gone to up until today had an office in either a medical building/plaza or in a hospital. Today I went to one that was down in San Pedro and the place looked like a converted house with a runaway tree out front… and it was on a residential street.

Watching Queensryche in concert right now… Mindcrime is still one of the best albums ever. Sat with two friends the other night as the debated which was better Beach Boys: Pet Sounds or Beattles: Sgt Peppers’… I have to say I won’t vote for either. Not that their bad but they just didn’t have the effect on me that they did on my friends. But Mindcrime opened my eyes to a whole new musical genre.

When I was younger, like mid-twenties, I was always saying “I want a pony”… now, looking at my backyard and how hard it is to clean up after cats… I’m glad no one took me seriously.

How come purple or green aren’t more widely accepted as pen colors?

I’ve come to the conclusion that when planning the Los Angeles freeway system… there wasn’t really a plan.

I think why Football and Nascar is so popular while the other sports are a ways behind has to do with the number of games in both the regular season and the playoffs. In football you have 16 games and if you get into the playoffs, you lose and you go home. Nascar’s point system makes it similar… every race is important. In baseball, basketball and hockey you have series where the best team will eventually win out. Even in the March Madness it’s win or go home. I’m against the ‘win or try again tomorrow’ playoff model.

Did you know that Brian May of Queen built his own guitars with inferior parts his father would bring home… that’s how he got his signature sound. He bought a manufactured guitar once he had money but ended up going back to his own.

Remember back when collecting matchbooks was an actual hobby?

Exactly what is Jaime Pressley famous for and why would I care?

So how many racing movies are they going to do under the ‘Fast and the Furious’ banner? Didn’t Vin Diesel appear in one of these some time?

Why hasn’t there been a football team called the Juggernauts? I would be a lot more afraid of a Juggernaut than a Dolphin or a Cardinal… and what the hell is a Packer anyway?

Four-Color Thursday

Man has this been an odd time for comics. I’m seeing more and more regular media coverage of comics and for completely different reasons. First we had Batwoman being announced as a lesbian. Then Superman… who may or may not be portrayed by a homosexual actor… has a history of documentary that seemed to almost ignore the comics that spawned the character all together… and finally, there’s coverage of Spider-Man revealing his identity to the world.

I have three very different reactions to each of these. I stated before that I think mainstream media coverage is great, but most of the time it’s done when the person seeing the coverage wouldn’t be able to get the book in question. Here is all this great publicity for Batwoman, yet she hasn’t appeared in any comic yet, she won’t appear in costume for two months and when she does, it will be in 52, not her own series. So if the person who was interested in reading about the adventures of Batwoman still remembers that interest two months later, they still have to find a comic shop and remember 52 or hope there is a helpful sales person at the store… not always guaranteed.

The Superman documentary was fun to watch and I have to admit I didn’t think anything bad about it until I was reading Steve Grants column. He’s the one that points out the lack of comic book coverage. The show basically talks about Siegel and Shuster creating the character in Action Comics, then getting it’s own series. They jump to it getting picked up as a newspaper funny and a radio program and finally a movie serial. Supposedly a lot of the comic concepts came from the radio program and movie serial. They basically don’t talk about the comics again until Superman shows Lois who he is, dies, comes back and gets married. 60 Years of comics and they basically only show 4 or 5 highlights and quickly at that.

The follow up on this is now there is a debate of whether Superman is the story of a immigrant or of Jesus… I’m thinking since Siegel and Shuster were Jewish, probably the immigrant story.

The Spider-Man coverage I find extremely interesting… there really wasn’t anything “real-world” controversial about it. It doesn’t strike me as news for any place but comic related web-sites. Yet it made the cover of newspapers and top stories on news broadcasts around the country… some coming out prior to the book creating a spoiler for fans. This is the first mainstream attention I’ve seen that actually coincides with the release of the book. Hopefully that means an increase in sales and some new fans coming in through the door… but my fear is that the new people may just be the same speculators that came in when Image started over 10 years ago.

All of this is good from a creator standpoint… more publicity for comics is good for everyone involved. But from a reader standpoint… I sometimes miss the days when I could pick up a comic and just be entertained for a half hour by Batman solving a mystery or Superman saving the world… I miss when comics were fun and exciting.

Soapbox Tuesday

Tuesdays are fun because I get to look for the absurd news story of the day and then talk about it. The sad thing is I usually don’t have to look too far for a absurd story. Today it took all of five minutes.

This story starts in the little town of Northport New York where two senior students choose the following quotes for their yearbook. Christopher Koulermos picked: “Strength lies no in defense, but in attack.” Philip Compton’s choice was: “The great masses of people … will more easily fall victims to a big lie than to a small one.” Now these quotes aren’t exactly friendly but not really Earth shattering. That is until you find out the book these two quotes come from; Mein Kampf by Adolph Hitler.

The fact that students picked two quotes from Hitler isn’t really that surprising. In my high school senior group shot there are three guys with their arms straight up either hailing Caesar or Hitler… one of them being an African-American. So seniors doing ‘shocking things’ just isn’t that shocking anymore. But some of the things in the story that really go my attention are the responses to the act.

The Principal and Superintendent both are apologizing for the publication of these quotes. The yearbook’s student staff and advisor saw the quotes but either didn’t think they should be edited or just didn’t realize where the quotes came from. But then again I wonder how many people off the street would recognize the quotes without the credit included. But that means if they staff didn’t see it, then someone got the quote and recognized it immediately… or, the two kids were dumb enough to brag to the wrong person that they got the quotes in. My guess… it’s the bragging thing.

Two of the things they are considering to rectify this grievous offense… either reprinting that section of the yearbook or… and I LOVE this one… offering special tape to people who want to cover the quote. So a piece of duct tape or a black marker isn’t good enough? Special tape has to be made and offered to all the people who bought the book? What makes the tape special? Does it have the words: “I’m sorry I was a dick.” On the tape to put in the original quote’s place? And what if you don’t request the tape, does suddenly everyone in the town think you’re a Nazi?

But the best part of the whole thing is the reaction of Steven Compton, the father of 18-year-old Phillip… I quote this from the CNN story: “I guess he seriously didn’t consider the source; he was more interested in the quote. He’s a child” Now there are a LOT of things wrong with Mr. Compton’s response. First… if his son didn’t seriously consider the source then someone didn’t teach him a damn bit about history. And for him to have picked the quote, it means that either he’s read the book or he specifically decided he wanted a Hitler quote and went and found one… I don’t think people accidentally come across quotes by Hitler. Second, the says his son was more interested in the quote… about fooling everyone with the big lie… this is something you want to admit? Your son’s favorite quote is about bullshitting the most amount of people possible? And third… he’s 18… he may be immature and stupid… but he’s no longer a child.

These two guys most likely said to each other… “Lets put in quotes from Hitler, it will be funny”. It’s not funny to a lot of people, but this is the stupid kind of things 18-year-olds do… have the kids write letters of apology to the people who bought the book and then suggest to anyone who is offended to just mark the quotes out. The last thing I think this story needed was nationwide attention. Then again, maybe I just made it worse by covering it here… oh wait, no one reads this anyway.

Slapshot Monday

I had to drive out to Burbank today and I turned on the NFL channel on my radio. The topic today was Ben Roethlisberger. For those of you not familiar with Ben (I’m going to call him Ben or Big Ben because I don’t want to re-write his last name any more…) he was a rookie quaterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers the year before last who went 15-1, the 1 being in the playoffs. An amazing feat for any QB, but for a rookie it’s unheard of. To follow up his amazing first season, he took his team to the Super Bowl and won. Big Ben has been what every team owner hopes for, a draft pick that comes in, takes the team on his shoulders and just wins.

There is another player, Kellen Winslow JR. who was a first round draft pick of the Cleveland Browns. Winslow got into a motorcycle accident in the off-season and missed the entire 2005 season and its still not certain whether he’ll be back for 2006. When this happened, reporters went to every player in the NFL that was known to ride a motorcycle and asked their opinion. Ben was one of those people and his attitude was that riders had to be extremely careful when they ride. Ben also rides without a helmet since there is no law in Pennsylvania making it mandatory. When asked if he would go on the football field without a helmet he replied: “There’s a law in football saying you have to wear a helmet”.

Now according to reports, the Steelers had a team meeting where they told their players to NOT ride motorcycles. There is also rumors that in Ben’s contract he is forbiddened from riding.

If you’ve gotten this far into the piece then you probably already know something bad has happened. Ben was riding his bike this morning when a woman pulled out in front of him. Ben went threw the woman’s window. The report is he broke his jaw, his nose, collapsed a sinus cavity, has a nine-inch gash on the back of his head and minor damage to his knees. He was taken into surgery. The doctor reports that all his facial fratures were repaired and his brain, spine, chest and abdomen are without serious injury. The family requested no other information be released.

It’s been years since I rode a bike… and the majority of my riding was done on the dirt. The concept of riding a motorcycle on the streets and highways just isn’t in my future. I have friends who ride… one of them a mother of three… but none of them would ride without a helmet. Ben has a contract worth millions based on his physical abilities… that fact that he would risk that by not only riding but riding without a helmet just doesn’t make sense to me. What if he lost an eye in the accident? He would never be able to play football again… he wouldn’t get the rest of his contract money… everything would be over because he wanted to ride.

The big topic of the day had to do with taking the responsibilty for your team and your contract you signed. Too many people in this world do what they want to do without the thought of the consequences. On the field Ben seems wise beyond his years… but not today. I wish him a speedy recovery and hope that riders out there everywhere keep that in mind when they decide whether to wear a helmet.

Rapid Fire Friday

I made a purchase in January and now the website keeps sending me emails with other things I might want to buy like barbecues, lawn furniture, wind chimes, hammocks and garden hoses. The thing that bugs me is not the emails… but the name of the site I made the purchase from: JustAirHockeyTables.com

DC has put out this new “Who’s Who Mystery Box” where you get a randomly inserted figure in each box. You could get Batman, Superman, Captain Marvel, Flash, Green Lantern or Joker. The problem is that in each box they have also inserted a piece of a classic Batmobile. I know find myself trying to assemble this freaking toy car by buying $6 boxes of a figure that I either already have or probably don’t want. Incredible marketing. (Any one with the Superman and Green Lantern please contact me, I need those pieces of the Batmobile still).

Yesterday in Football Steve McNair was traded from the Titans to the Ravens. This breaks so many football rules it’s not even funny. It’s bad enough to trade away a pro-bowl level quarterback… but to do so to a team in your own division is suicide. I think McNair is going to like facing his old team twice a year until he retires.

Here’s an idea for someone with money. Instead of these chain hair cut places like Magic Cuts and Super Cuts… you go out and find the hottest looking women who cut hair, you put them into a single location, allow them to wear revealing clothing and call the place Great Trim… guys will be going to their stylist more than women.

It’s my understanding that George Bush is an advocate for the “power of prayer”… yet he’s also the poster boy against it since he’s still in office.

I finally wandered over and saw X-Men 3 today and they were right on one thing, that was the last X-men movie I could stand. What they did to Cyclops was the biggest waste of a good character I have ever seen.

I read a story today about a man who leapt off a pool table on to a pool cue and impaled his groin on the tip… you have to wonder if he called his shot.

My obsession with old time radio shows lead me to a thought… if a private detective is called a ‘Private Dick”… does that make a police detective a “Public Dick”?

Before the X-Men movie I saw three trailers involved super-powered individuals. Superman and Ghost Rider are both based on real comics and looked as good as you would expect. My Super Ex-Girlfriend just looked horribly painful to me and its something I have no intention of seeing.

I listened to the new 2-disc set of Lewis Black at Carnegie Hall this morning and my only thought was… I don’t think this is what Carnegie had in mind. (But I was laughing like crazy)

There are some things in life that are the ultimate trump cards in a conversation. Last night I found out that my sister went joy riding in a dump truck and rolled it. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to use this nugget… but at some point I know I will be in a ‘my sister is so stupid’ contest and I have the hands down winner ready to go.

Yesterday I got a bill in the mail from a credit card company saying they owed ME thirty-five cents. I’ll let you figure that one out for yourself.

On my shelf I have 5 books full of the writing of Robert E Howard; Conan, Solomon Kane and Bran Mak Morn. Besides that he wrote a bunch of short stories for HP Lovecraft and probably more work that I’m unaware of… he did all this by the age of thirty when he killed himself.

I’ve decided that the next time I have a bad day… like I did today… I’m going to go to a store and find a coloring book and a box of crayons and just color for hours. I think it’s probably better than any therapy session you could attend.

I wonder why there are no adult coloring books… maybe its because you’d only end up using the peach crayon most of the time?

The Book of Tone Part 2

Some more Tone Fun Facts:

If you call Tone’s cell phone and get the voice mail… it has a woman’s voice that says “Wait for the TONE”… and you start wondering if you’re supposed to leave a message or wait for him to pick up.

There is one rule that cannot be broken around Tone… you never, EVER turn off a KISS song.

Tone owns a copy of the Vampirella movie. He says it’s really bad… but he still owns it.

A quote from Tone about living in Los Angeles: “It’s really great because there is a gay bar right on the corner and with the bar closing at 2:00, you always catch these guys in the street making out and doing all sorts of crazy shit in the alley as you drive down the street to get home.”

Tone once had a meeting in Hollywood with Warrick Davis.

By his own admission, Tone is the oldest artist to ever be nominated for the Russ Manning award (for most promising newcomer).

Tone was once jabbed in the arm with a pencil by Red Star artist/creator Christian Gossett.

Tone once considered naming his penis ‘Mr. Giggles’. (I have the interview tape to prove it)

At least once in every conversation I have had with him, Tone has said: “cool cool”.

Tone stood in line the other day to get the autograph of Wrestling’s Roddy Piper.

Tone has the ability to know exactly when he has embarrassed someone, and then moves in for the kill. He does this to my wife constantly.

And an excerpt from last year Road to Dallas write up:
The rest of the evening went by uneventfully as we cranked Hair Nation on the satellite. Nothing like Poison, Kiss and Warrant to get you through the night. We were well into Texas when the sun began to rise. Tone was behind the wheel and moving the Behemoth at a quick pace. I could see the sun rising through my passenger side window, streaks of yellow and orange burning off the morning haze. As the road dipped down it made a hard right and then shot back up. A semi in front of us hit the top of the hill and locked up his brakes, the trailer dragging side to side as the driver struggled to get control. Tone looked at me and said, “This isn’t good.” I grabbed the ‘oh-shit’ bar just as we reached the top of the hill… what I saw was like nothing else I had every seen. The sun appeared before us as if it sat on the highway just a few miles ahead. It seemed large enough to swallow the Behemoth whole and gave off a level of brightness that no man was ever meant to gaze upon. I could smell my retinas beginning to burn as Tone hit his brakes to slow down. The visors were useless and I scrambled for my Ray-bans but they must have fallen between the seats. Tone used the ridges on the far side of the road to guide him, the rumbling sound being our only salvation. We could hear a series of screeches behind us as other drivers reached the top of the hill. A moment or two passed and our eyes adjusted… but they will never be the same again.

The Book of Tone

If any of you check the Rapid Fire Friday for last week, you will notice a comment from my buddy Tone Rodriguez complaining that he wasn’t mentioned in the post. Now Tone is correct, he was at the Fangoria show with me last weekend and he did try to take the picture of Richard Moll and I…

For those of you who don’t know the name, Tone was the artist on Violent Messiahs and Snake Plissken and he’s doing the art for the new book UTF that comes out from APE tomorrow. Now I’ve known Tone for about six or seven years and have traveled from L.A. to Dallas with him in my truck… twice! So I figured Tone’s cry for attention needs to be heard and today I present to you: The Book of Tone. Some fun facts about the very talented artist that you may not know.



Tone once worked on the Power Rangers as a concept artist and created the villain for one of the seasons.

Tone loves Batman and has just about every figure of Batman created… some of which were sent to him by adoring fans.

While traveling, Tone is very free about discussing his bowel movement habits.

Tone’s favorite restaurant is the Waffle House where he likes it smothered and covered… not sure how he likes his hash browns though.



While his turn to drive on the road to Dallas, Tone turned to me and said: “have you ever had it where the cars in front of you just suddenly get bigger?”

When making a purchase at McDonalds, the total came to $6.66 and Tone immediately purchased another cheeseburger so the total would change.

For his birthday dinner, a group went with Tone to a Brazilian BBQ place in Burbank where Tone was recognized by the belly dancer who remembered him from a different BBQ place.

Tone does the most amazing imitation of the Coach from Major League. Everyone who sees him should ask him to do it. Go ahead… he loves it.

While doing the sketch card inserts for the Family Guy cards, Tone did nine of them with Eduardo the broken off penis from the Statue of David.

Tone will sing along with just about any song on the radio… a particular favorite is “True” by Spandau Ballet.

Tone used to work for a replica company making lightsabers and other movie props. You walk into his studio and it looks like an arsenal at Skywalker Ranch.

Tone’s favorite dessert appears to be Key Lime Pie… or at least he couldn’t stop signing about it this last weekend.

I think that’s enough Tone fun facts for today. But please check out UTF in stores tomorrow and it will make Tone very happy.

Slapshot Monday

Do you know what I truly love about sports? It’s not the athleticism or the competition. It’s the spin that the announcers can put on a game. Have you ever seen the videos produced at the end of each Football season? Every team gets a video made that shows the highlights of the season. They get the deep toned voice over guy that makes every movie trailer seem amazing and have him talk about the determination and grit that the team showed. Then the play a music track with a thumping beat and a brass section… a march if you will… and you sit there watching your team and swell with pride as you see how these amazing talented individuals, coached by the wisdom of Solomon itself, battled and fought for their 1-15 record. You turn the tape/DVD off thinking “How the hell did we lose a game?”

The best example of announcer/media spin has to come from the movie Major League. When ‘Wild Thing’ is on the mound early in the movie and throws the ball behind the batter… we hear the announcer, skillfully played by Bob Uker, announce ‘Just a bit outside’. That’s a man working it for his team.

The most fun you can have is talking to a Raiders fan. The Raider Nation is amazingly faithful to the point of delusion. This season the let go a Quarterback with Superbowl experience and replaced him with a guy who was benched last year for giving up. Find yourself a Raiders fan and ask them what they think of the move… you’ll get. “Collins was a the cause of all the problems. Brooks is going to throw the ball deep to Moss. It will be Raider Football again.” The Raiders have a slogan ‘Commitment to Excellence’, but over the last few years it’s been ‘Commitment to Excuses’ and this year is going to be no different. But don’t say that to the Raider Nation.

The funny thing is, sometimes the fan of a specific team knows more than you think and their delusions-of-grandeur is really just knowledge. I remember two years ago, after the Panthers started 1-7, I looked at the next 8 games and calculated out how the Panthers could not only turn their season around but make the playoffs. I knew which games they would lose and which they would win and I wrote it all out. I showed a couple of friends and all of them called me a ‘homer’. Going into the final game of the season, all seven of the games after I made my predictions went exactly how I had said. The only part that failed was the Panthers couldn’t beat the Saints on the very last game of the season and that kept them out of the playoffs. Had they won, my prediction would have come true… but my friends would still call me a ‘homer’.

When the new football season rolls around, take a moment to watch the NFL network… one of the things they do is play the radio calls for the teams local stations. There is nothing like hearing a hometown broadcaster calls the hometown teams touchdown. You’d be amazed at how many syllables are in a cities name. Just once you should hear: ‘Touch-down Kan-sas-cit-y’ done with excitement of someone who actually cares.

Rapid Fire Friday

My friend and publisher Jade Dodge asked why women still change their names when they get married. No longer are the men subservient to the women so it shouldn’t matter. My thought… women take the married name, can do all kinds of weird shit… then get divorced and claim it wasn’t them.

I had a chicken pot pie tonight for dinner… it always amazes me that from the first bite to the last, a chicken pot pie is EXTREMELY HOT! Unless you make it yourself at home, then the center is always still ice cold.

I noticed that in both Bloodrayne and Resident Evil there are nude scenes. I guess they really DO know what their audience wants to see.

Have you ever had to take your car in to a mechanic, then get the call from them telling you that X, Y and Z needs fixing… and you tell them “no”? I usually just nod my head while on the phone and then say “go ahead”… I guess the call is merely the foreplay before the official screwing.

Why do women like horror movies so much? I walked around the con today and it was all guys with tattoos and women in tight tops showing off their breasts… this isn’t a complaint mind you… just an observation.

In the seventies DC comics put out a book called the Haunted Tank… now I know the concept is a little more involved than a Haunted House… but it just seems like you can’t run from many ghosts INSIDE of a tank.

Anyone who is an old fan of the Green Hornet will be interested to know that the hornet buzzing you here in the credits on both the radio program and television show was made with a Theramin… for those who don’t care… never mind.

The trivia moment at dinner tonight that stumped all of us… the name of the dog in Smokey and the Bandit. Now that I’m home and can google, I know the name is ‘FRED’.

All over the country, including on CNN.com, there are stories about the new LESBIAN Batwoman. Now I’m all for comics getting mainstream press. I’m also all for diversity in comics and DC is making a big push… but you don’t see much about the new Asian Atom or Hispanic Blue Beetle… but you make a hot chick that likes hot chicks and it’s news worthy? A shame that anyone who actually WANTS to read the comic will have to wait 2 months to get it and remember that it’s in 52 #11.

A couple in Florida (59 and 60) tried to hire a hit man to kill their daughter-in-law and three grandkids to keep them from testifying against their son in his rape trial. He’s accused of trying to rape his daughter and stepdaughter… you can’t make shit like this up. This would get rejected on Law & Order as ‘too unbelievable’.

The music industry is upset with a Russian website that is allowing music fans to download entire albums for less than a $1.00 each. Maybe that whole ‘teaching them democracy’ and ‘free trade’ wasn’t such a good idea… (snicker)

Real CNN headline… “Wal-Mart rethinks ‘self-cannibalization’.” I don’t care who you are; you’re going to click that link.

Anyone familiar with the band She Wants Revenge should think about this… I love their music but it seriously sounds like Peter Murphy is signing with the B-52s.

Every trend in the entertainment industry seems to have a successor but one… where is the new Russ Meyers?

Could you imagine a germaphobe trying to play Texas Hold’em?

Every watch I have bought over the last twenty years has had a stopwatch function. I honestly can remember a time where I used the function… I just can’t think of anything that knowing how fast it takes for me to do it will be helpful. But I can think of things that if I know how fast I can do them… it could be depressing.

On that note… a slightly shorter Rapid Fire Friday, but I’m exhausted from the convention today so I’ll end this one with a photo from this afternoon. Regular blogging resumes on Monday. Have a good weekend.