Gone too far…

So last night I was up working late on a script… like you do… and I came across something that I couldn’t believe was on the air. FUSED TV, the last channel to actually play videos, has a new show on called PANTS-OFF, DANCE-OFF. In this show regular people dance in front of a music video… never a song I have EVER heard of… and take their close off. Yeah, that’s not a typo. Average people dance and strip on TV. And I can’t emphasize the word average enough.

I watched a woman dance to some bizarre song that she obviously couldn’t hear because her movements had nothing to do with the beat. She had short cut brown hair, a cute face and probably carrying a few extra pounds but nothing too bad. She then started removing her clothes as she danced and she dressed like she was playing strip poker. She was wearing layer on top of layer on top of layer. While she danced, they would then pop another image of her on the screen being interviewed and talking about the last time she was dancing naked or how she came up with her moves. I’m assuming there was an epileptic seizure involved.

So I’m watching this train-wreck… and I mean no disrespect to the young lady but a full-length mirror in her room when she’s dancing might help. And I’ve now vested my two minutes and she’s down to her granny panties and lunch-lady bra and suddenly it stops… just stops. And a little screen comes up and says ‘see what we can’t show you at FUSED.TV/PANTS’ or something like that. So they have a show about people stripping to videos… but they can’t show nudity. Excuse me? What’s the freaking point? That’s like paying a hooker to have dinner with you.

So now I’m feeling a little cheated and decide its time to go out to their website. The truth is, this isn’t a woman that I would normally care to see naked… I’ve actually become a little desensitized to nude with the photography I do… but damn it, I was promised stripping and I was going to get stripping. So I head out to their website and find that I was watching a re-run… so now I have to dig through to find the particular woman… and oh my God you have got to see some of the people from other shows. I’m seeing guys in their 60s, women in weight ranges of heavy weight boxers and a few people that literally scared me. There was one woman dancing with a horse’s head on… I can’t make that up.

I dig through and I find the young lady with the convulsive dance style and watch her video; but I have to watch it from the beginning… again. So now I’m watching her go through her on-screen seizure (my apologies to people who actually have seizures, I’m not trying to make light of them… but I have no other way to explain her motions) and she’s getting out of her 27 different pieces of clothing and she’s back down to her granny panties and lunch-lady bra and I’m now totally focused. She removes her bra and suddenly the area around her chest goes blurry. Then her panties come of and the lower half gets blurry. So they blur the nudity… so now you’ve taken the hooker to dinner AND a movie and still didn’t get laid.

This is the most insane thing I have ever seen on television… and I’m watching Supergroup while I type this so you know the bar for insanity is pretty high. How does this stuff get on TV… how? Sweet mother of God… HOW?