There’s a benefit to being married that few people talk about but most everyone understands.
What is this benefit? No more first dates. I think everyone has a ‘bad first date’ story, some are worse than others. But I know very few people with a ‘good first date’ story. Which amazes me that anyone ever finds the right person. Hell, it could even explain why the divorce rate is so high. A first date is a job interview for a position that you don’t even know if you want. Sometimes I think the best way to have a first date is for it to be naked in a hotel room. You see everything right up front and get it out of the way. If you get sex out of the way in the first house then there is no reason for false pretense.
But that’s not what tonight’s rant is about.
The worst first date I ever went on involved a girl from the store I was working at. I was 17 at the time; really liked her and she invited me over to watch Dirty Dancing (you’ll do anything for a woman you like). After we decided to go see a movie. Her parents had gotten home and blocked in her car, so she was going to back her mom’s car out while I backed hers out. Well… I had never drive a car with automatic steering so when I turned the wheel to clear the driveway, I scrapped the brick fence slightly. The car had a tine scrape along the bumper. The fence crumbled like a house of cards. She ended up being my prom date… but not much else.
Another bad first date involved the second killer… the blind date. My buddy Brian got me to go out with his girlfriend’s best friend. Well, it turns out she was: a) just getting out of a relationship, b) unable to stop speaking for more than twenty seconds at a time and c) taking crystal-meth to help her lose weight. Mind you she was already skinny made it even more ironic. She spent the entire night talking about her ex and how much she wanted to go back to him. A few hours into the date I was recommending that she should not only go back to him, she shouldn’t wait another moment and I would take her there myself. There was no second date.
Now I had one first date that was great until the next day. I was on a business trip, hit it off with one of the employees there and we ended up going out that night to a few bars. Just a relaxed and fun night. The problem came at 3 AM when we went back to my hotel room so she could get her stuff she left there before we went out. I hit the bathroom, the phone rang and she answered it. It was my co-worker letting me know the morning meeting was moved up an hour and he had forgotten to tell me. Of course the next day, it was all over the place that she was in my room at 3 AM. Now I only call this a first date because months later her and I hooked up again… but absolutely nothing happened that first night but everyone was certain it had.
I know those aren’t the worst first dates… and I would love to hear about some others… but I truly believe that between nerves and posturing no first date will ever be successful. And if it is… somebody is lying.
What is this benefit? No more first dates. I think everyone has a ‘bad first date’ story, some are worse than others. But I know very few people with a ‘good first date’ story. Which amazes me that anyone ever finds the right person. Hell, it could even explain why the divorce rate is so high. A first date is a job interview for a position that you don’t even know if you want. Sometimes I think the best way to have a first date is for it to be naked in a hotel room. You see everything right up front and get it out of the way. If you get sex out of the way in the first house then there is no reason for false pretense.
But that’s not what tonight’s rant is about.
The worst first date I ever went on involved a girl from the store I was working at. I was 17 at the time; really liked her and she invited me over to watch Dirty Dancing (you’ll do anything for a woman you like). After we decided to go see a movie. Her parents had gotten home and blocked in her car, so she was going to back her mom’s car out while I backed hers out. Well… I had never drive a car with automatic steering so when I turned the wheel to clear the driveway, I scrapped the brick fence slightly. The car had a tine scrape along the bumper. The fence crumbled like a house of cards. She ended up being my prom date… but not much else.
Another bad first date involved the second killer… the blind date. My buddy Brian got me to go out with his girlfriend’s best friend. Well, it turns out she was: a) just getting out of a relationship, b) unable to stop speaking for more than twenty seconds at a time and c) taking crystal-meth to help her lose weight. Mind you she was already skinny made it even more ironic. She spent the entire night talking about her ex and how much she wanted to go back to him. A few hours into the date I was recommending that she should not only go back to him, she shouldn’t wait another moment and I would take her there myself. There was no second date.
Now I had one first date that was great until the next day. I was on a business trip, hit it off with one of the employees there and we ended up going out that night to a few bars. Just a relaxed and fun night. The problem came at 3 AM when we went back to my hotel room so she could get her stuff she left there before we went out. I hit the bathroom, the phone rang and she answered it. It was my co-worker letting me know the morning meeting was moved up an hour and he had forgotten to tell me. Of course the next day, it was all over the place that she was in my room at 3 AM. Now I only call this a first date because months later her and I hooked up again… but absolutely nothing happened that first night but everyone was certain it had.
I know those aren’t the worst first dates… and I would love to hear about some others… but I truly believe that between nerves and posturing no first date will ever be successful. And if it is… somebody is lying.
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