Taboo Topics
One of the articles on MSN.com today is “Taboo Topics: 6 Things Mom Never Wants To Hear.” I don’t know about you, but this peaked my curiosity, so several clicks later and I find their list:
1. Keep your secrets to yourself.
2. Keep your sex life to yourself.
3. Near misses with danger.
4. Beware of envy.
5. Don't make her your best friend.
6. Don't make her your diary.
My reaction to this list was “that’s it?” These are far too vague and general. I immediately came up with a dozen or so I my head that I know mothers across the globe would dread hearing.
From a daughter:
1. Mom, I just made my first movie… it was me and Chasey Lane and Randy Spears…
2. That’s not pornography, that’s art… or at least that’s what my photographer told me.
3. Does it hurt every time you have anal sex?
4. I’d like you to meet my new boyfriend, Tommy Lee.
5. Yes those are handcuff marks on my wrist, but no I wasn’t arrested.
6. Can you drive me to the prison to see Bobby, it’s congical visit day.
7. Why does sperm taste so bad?
8. Don’t you think Melissa Ethridge is cute?
9. Just how “late” is “late”?
10. I will be able to tell who the father is by what nationality the baby is.
11. A vice bust on 6th street… that’s where I used to work.
12. I just got picked for a TV series… Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire II?
From a son:
1. Hello Ma, I’m in jail.
2. I know I’m 16 now, but I still feel better with Mrs. Williams babysitting me.
3. Does it hurt every time you have anal sex?
4. I’d like you to meet my new girlfriend, Pamela Anderson.
5. What exactly is a paternity test and how can I fake it out?
6. I have a job interview… how long does cocaine stay in your system?
7. Why does sperm taste so bad?
8. Why does Father Mike not want me to wear anything under my altar boy robe?
9. How weird, Jenny just called and said she was late, but we didn’t have a date tonight?
10. No matter who asks: I was here all night… never left the house.
11. That Russell Crowe sure is a handsome man.
12. It’s not a cult; it’s a chance for me to find true spiritual enlightenment.
So there are 24 things I know mothers wouldn’t want to hear… so why did MSN wimp out with those six vague ones? If you are going to try and wrangle me in with a good headline… at least have some payoff once I get there.
One of the articles on MSN.com today is “Taboo Topics: 6 Things Mom Never Wants To Hear.” I don’t know about you, but this peaked my curiosity, so several clicks later and I find their list:
1. Keep your secrets to yourself.
2. Keep your sex life to yourself.
3. Near misses with danger.
4. Beware of envy.
5. Don't make her your best friend.
6. Don't make her your diary.
My reaction to this list was “that’s it?” These are far too vague and general. I immediately came up with a dozen or so I my head that I know mothers across the globe would dread hearing.
From a daughter:
1. Mom, I just made my first movie… it was me and Chasey Lane and Randy Spears…
2. That’s not pornography, that’s art… or at least that’s what my photographer told me.
3. Does it hurt every time you have anal sex?
4. I’d like you to meet my new boyfriend, Tommy Lee.
5. Yes those are handcuff marks on my wrist, but no I wasn’t arrested.
6. Can you drive me to the prison to see Bobby, it’s congical visit day.
7. Why does sperm taste so bad?
8. Don’t you think Melissa Ethridge is cute?
9. Just how “late” is “late”?
10. I will be able to tell who the father is by what nationality the baby is.
11. A vice bust on 6th street… that’s where I used to work.
12. I just got picked for a TV series… Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire II?
From a son:
1. Hello Ma, I’m in jail.
2. I know I’m 16 now, but I still feel better with Mrs. Williams babysitting me.
3. Does it hurt every time you have anal sex?
4. I’d like you to meet my new girlfriend, Pamela Anderson.
5. What exactly is a paternity test and how can I fake it out?
6. I have a job interview… how long does cocaine stay in your system?
7. Why does sperm taste so bad?
8. Why does Father Mike not want me to wear anything under my altar boy robe?
9. How weird, Jenny just called and said she was late, but we didn’t have a date tonight?
10. No matter who asks: I was here all night… never left the house.
11. That Russell Crowe sure is a handsome man.
12. It’s not a cult; it’s a chance for me to find true spiritual enlightenment.
So there are 24 things I know mothers wouldn’t want to hear… so why did MSN wimp out with those six vague ones? If you are going to try and wrangle me in with a good headline… at least have some payoff once I get there.
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